1) Periods. You get to shed your uterus every month, like a snake. Everyone loves snakes. Everyone also loves mood swings. Shake it up, I always say.
2) Hair! You get to shave or wax about 90% of your body hair, but get to keep the hair on your head long and luscious, lest you be labelled a dyke. You get to spend lots of money on expensive conditioners to lather into your hair, giving you an excuse to wash your hair twice. (What could be better!)
3) Pregnancy. If you want to fool around and be sexually promiscuous you get the thrill of knowing that at any moment you could mess up and then be committed to a long, laborious (pun intended) pregnancy, and then a life as either a single mother, or married to the partner you didn't quite remember the name of so you labelled him "Potential Father of My Bastard," in your phone.
4) Birth Rights. You get allll the privileges of birthing a baby. Remember, if you choose to go natural, you will get to experience the most excruciating pain there is to experience, next to breaking your femur. Who doesn't want to go through that?! If you do choose to go with an epidural or c-section, you still get fun things like c-section scars (battle scars, really!) or a torn up vagina. New experiences galore! Remember, there's a good chance you'll be fat, oozing with various bodily fluids, and stretched out after the birth, so you'll be really glad you have a crying baby at 4 in the morning to distract you from those little diddies.
5) You get to worry about everything incessantly! Personal appearance, sex appeal, weight, and even the things you can't control--like height and nostril diameter.
6) Other girls. Other girls are wonderfully dramatic creatures who will hate you and try to destroy you if you so much as casually mention that their boyfriend looks like a hungover Mick Jagger.
7) Feminism. Feminist? More power to you, literally! Join the lesbians and bitter, single, working women of the world in the pursuit of more power! Or, if you're not a feminist, you get the treat of being labelled "traditional" and sneered at by women who are far superior to you. Middle of the road? Don't feel left out--feminists and non-feminists alike will both despies and disdain you!
8) Bras. Because everyone wants to strap part of their body into uncomfortable pushed up positions or be considered revolting and saggy.
9) Poor Driving. Whether the stereotype is true for you or not, you don't have to worry...it is assured for you that men will never, ever, EVER, trust your driving. Whether you can read a map or not, whether you can parallel park or not, you will never have to do any of those things, so long as you have a man. HE will know how to drive like a NASCAR racer and navigate with the skills of a pirate king himself. It'll be like having a chaffeur--who either won't let you drive or will nag and grumble about your driving skills! And it's free!
10) Sexist Pigs. No matter what, you will always encounter a sexist pig. There is no need to worry if he is or isn't going to pop into your life and stare at your chest, grinning slightly, while you explain that the gas pump isn't accepting your credit card. He will always leer at you when you feel least attractive. He will whistle at you if you crouch down to tie your shoe. He will make rude comments to his friends audibly enough that you can hear them. Reliable, perverted, and undressing you mentally, he's as reliable as the sun rising in the east.
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