Dental Hatred

Where can I buy this book??

I hate the dentist. Not personally.  It's the "He's a great guy but I hate his profession" syndrome.  I never have cavities, but it's like every time I walk in  they conspire against me--whispering in undertones about ways to make me uncomfortable and/or nervous.  Everyone dislikes going to the dentist.  We don't want people in our mouths. We don't want weird sounds emananting from scary objects approaching our gums.  We don't want to be in the compromised and vulnerable position of laying on our backs with our mouths open!  It's a proven fact that redheads fear the dentist more than people with other hair colors. And it's also a proven fact that no matter how nice your dentist is, he's secretly an evil being. 


I went in today.  I had no cavities. I had little tarter. But of course, the hygienist uses that new invention--I call it Satan--the electric tartar scraper.  It makes a highpitched noise akin to nails on a chalkboard, and this is, consequently, enough to get my palms to sweat and my "fight or flight" syndrome awakened.  Needless to say I was already on edge. 

Then I hear that dreaded phrase from dentists, "Hmm what is that?..." That has got to be one of the worst feelings ever--invoking sinking dread while watching their face turn curious as they probe something in your mouth.  "That" turned out to be a salivary stone. Seriously, who gets these?  Me!  I didn't even know my salivary glands were under my tongue! Now I have a build-up of calcium in them?  What is this?!

Why are dentists such awful people?! It's like no matter how confident you feel going into the dentist office, you will feel exponentially more awful walking out.  Even if your teeth are beautiful, you might have a salivary gland stone now!! Or, if you're one of the lucky ones with absolutely nothing wrong, your gums are still sensitive from being attacked and you're stinging with fresh guilt from the "FLOSS MORE!" chastisement. 

I can't take it anymore.