Obnoxious, in-your-face, gooey, mushy, affectionate, chipper, cheerful, self-righteous Newlyweds. I hate 'em. And although everyone keeps suspiciously (i.e. they're all against me) repeating "It'll happen to you," I don't think it will. I don't think I could ever possibly be that irritatingly "in love." I like to think when I'm in love it'll be more practical and less "I have to caress your hand at all times lest it fall off." I tell myself I won't call my new husband "Gushy-bear-lovey-pooh," or "Siwwy-wiwwy-lovey-puss." Yeah, I'm gonna stay away from the latter especially. Just like this little girl at the royal wedding.
What IS it that makes people lose all sense of propriety? What could possibly make someone want to baby-talk a grown human being? What tragedy must occur to coerce you into acting like a zombie? A zombie that instead of groaning unintelliglby and only lusting for braaains, makes weird smooching noises and only yearns to trace pictures on their hubby's hand?
And if I have to read another freaking word on your freaking blog about how much better your cake was than anything you've ever tasted (let's be honest, it tasted like decorative frosting, which tastes like nothing) I'm going to sick that bride up there on you. I don't want to see a million pictures of your shoes (What's with the "trendy sneakers"???) or your fake flowers or you guys' names in a heart.
